I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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