Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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