Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
