Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i believe in u and ur pee
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
