she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
