You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
