How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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