I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
