If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
