i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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