wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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