This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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