I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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