On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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