The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
