My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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