You made me cry and you don't even care
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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