need another drink. this is the easiest way
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
