don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
