I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
either way he was missing a nipple.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
