sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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