so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
