Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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