please come you make the beer taste better
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
