i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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