Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
