So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
