I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
