Dual....:-)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
