Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
