Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
