You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize