My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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