It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
