This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
