I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
