best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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