Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
