I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
