My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i think my cat just said my name.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
