Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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