did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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