I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
