I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
