the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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