Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
