Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
