did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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