mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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