I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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