Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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