It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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