Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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