Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize