he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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