Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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