Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
