Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
