I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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