wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
