Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
