So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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