He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
