why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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