Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
