I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
