Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize