he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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