we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Randomize
