So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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