On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She told me I should be a condom model.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
