my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
