Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
