2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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