I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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