i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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