Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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