:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
