You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
