i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
