she was so not down for the gang bang
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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