..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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