I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
