I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize