Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have surprise drugs for everyone
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
