they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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