dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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