i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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