Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
