While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
