Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
