I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
