1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
