My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
