The maid of honor just puked.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
