Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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