I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
