Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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