Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize