He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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