Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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